he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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