JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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