I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
