they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
