is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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