Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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