I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
it's like iHOP with fire
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
