final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
