Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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