Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
