Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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