I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
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