I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
