Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
