She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
