If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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