I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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