THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
is that a dick in a sweater?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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