He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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