Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
