ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize