Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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