We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
