it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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