ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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