I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
