I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize