The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
