so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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