Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
