id be glad to
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
i black out too much to be "responsible"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
