a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So I just went to clothing optional bar
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
