Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
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