when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
