Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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