I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
