where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
