The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
