i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
