My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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