I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
In other news, I just burned my penis
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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