i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
