I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
