There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
