I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
