shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize