Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
