I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
