We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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