I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
