Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
