the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
sarcasm needs its own font
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
