he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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