GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My vagina is officially offended.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
