I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
