Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
