Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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