i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize