I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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