Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
