What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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