we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
