my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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