she woke up with a sticky ear
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
