So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
