I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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