I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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