how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
