Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize