I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
