Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
