Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
This is the high leading the old right now
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
