Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
