he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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