The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
