She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize