He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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