My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌ðŸ»ï¸
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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