What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
