i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
