I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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