To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
