I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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