Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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