is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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