the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
