Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
