I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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