The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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