hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
