I'm jealous of your bromance
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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