Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
