Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
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