she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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