3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I wish I only lived at night.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
