I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He? As in you personified your dick?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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