You're so nebulous sometimes
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
