I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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