you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
