I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
