I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
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