Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
