she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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