You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i love accidental penises.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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