I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
