Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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