Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
