Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
