Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
They took my balls.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
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